Hank Daniel
19 June
8 lbs 10 oz, 20.5 inches
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You know, I prepared myself to be “overdue.” But really the furthest out I believed was the 15th. I mean, really, would I go further over than I went with my first? They say your first takes the longest…so I thought I had emotionally prepared myself this time…but by Sunday (day 11 past supposed “due date”) I was not keeping positive to say the least. I cried in the shower, kept a smile/joked through the comments at Church, and distracted myself (is that possible?) for the rest of the day. Time was running out to “go” on my own, and I was feeling very defeated. Perris gave me a blessing and Monday morning I had a renewed energy about it, at least! I decided to go full force doing anything I could try to get things moving. So I saw a doula who gave me a massage with oils and did acupressure, etc. But mostly she talked to me and helped me talk about my fears. Hank was face up at my 41 week ultrasound the week before, and she specifically reassured me that Hank would be in the right position for birth—that he knew what he was supposed to do. After meeting with her, I was like “OKAY this can happen!” THEN I talked to my friend Taylor who is a doula as well and she told me to take some specific herbs and such and I had Jami go get them for me and meet me so I could start as soon as possible!
Monday morning I woke up pregnant. That was never encouraging. I started the other herbs…Those were disgusting, btw. But, no matter, I took them through the afternoon on Tuesday. I went on a walk, a loooong walk, and ate ice cream. I went to a neighborhood gathering to help set up and then promptly left, explaining to everyone I needed to prepare myself for my induction the following morning at 7am. I really was trying to stay positive, but I felt sick about this. I called the midwife who’d be there the next morning to ask her about trying anything OTHER than Pitocin to get labor started, and she didn’t say no to my other ideas but mostly just wished me luck that labor would start tonight. Anytime anyone suggested that labor could start tonight, an eye-rolling feeling/reaction bubbled within me. “I am so past that. It hasn’t started any other night, why would it start tonight?” Truly believing that that wasn’t an option anymore. It was too late. Great attitude, right?
So after I talked to the midwife I just set myself to read some scriptures, listen to some music, and really feel what I was feeling and come to peace with it! Earlier that day I had knelt in prayer and said “Heavenly Father. We are in the fourth watch. I really need you to come.” Once it was 9pm, it was too late! He hadn’t come. So I resigned myself and was mourning the loss of what I had so longed for—for TWO children now—for a natural labor and delivery, free of any drugs and intervention. So I did what came to me easily: I cried and cried. After a while I knew I had to get some rest! After 10pm I turned off the lights, still listening to a talk by Elder Holland. I was so tired. That stopped streaming and I tried to sleep. I realized I was really uncomfortable and feeling hungry. So I got up, figuring I better eat something now since I was instructed to eat just a light breakfast before reporting to the hospital. I sat on the exercise ball and after a few bites of my cereal stopped eating. I wasn’t feeling well. Oh. Maybe I better start timing these contractions I was having. About a minute long, 4 or so minutes apart. It’s now 11:15pm and they are consistent and strong. Perris walks in the house, surprised to see me awake and sitting on my ball and upon his inquiry I say, “Well. I think I’m in labor.” And I really was!
It is a very interesting feeling to actually feel your body opening with contractions. I worked to just relax and let it happen. I am happy to say that my body knows just what it’s doing! We were in our room most of the night, Perris rubbing my back to counter pressure and falling asleep a bit in between ;) I did shower, which felt lovely. I had to go #2 and was really trying to get it all out in between contractions…that wasn’t easy. By 2am or so they were getting stronger, but not really more frequent. We called and talked to Michelle, the midwife on call and she just encouraged us to stay at home as long as possible since I was going unmedicated. Around 4 they were really strong and I was walking through them, because movement felt better than just sitting and doing nothing. “Walking” may not be the best way to describe it. It was a waddle walk, really. We decide around 4:20am to go ahead and start heading out. It’s about a 25 minute drive to the hospital. By this time the only person we had informed of our labor was Amy, our photographer. I didn’t want to tell anyone too early. So we started the informing. Amy met us in the parking lot and walked into the hospital with us at 5am. I was so thrilled to be there, being that much closer to actually birthing my child, that I just kept making silly comments. We got there and as we checked in they took me to a triage room, but then the nurse came back in and said “Uh, you are scheduled to be induced at 7am, you’re staying.” Whoops I forgot to tell them that! Then I yelled out “Oops we forgot to call the midwife, too!” I changed and they checked me: 6cm. That was good, but really it didn’t matter to me. Perris said he was hoping for an 8! Haha. Maddy & Jami arrived and it was getting lighter outside. We had a beautiful north-facing window and the Mt Timpanogos temple was peeking at us from behind a building. I decided to hop in the tub and said “I don’t care if you guys see me naked, you’re gonna see it all anyway!” The tub was good, and things were getting even MORE intense. I was so, so tired, I kept on half-falling asleep between contractions. A few times once Michelle the Midwife was there and talking to me, I kind of just zoned out and didn’t really hear what she said. I think I kept falling asleep! It was a very strange feeling.
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The rest is a blur of someone checking me, me panickly stating “I need to lay flat” and painfully just lifting my body to get on my side and have Perris hold my top leg up. I know somewhere in there I was losing it and Michelle said “Ali, stay in control. Get back in control.” I needed to hold Perris’ hand! Then I needed to hold another hand, and grabbed Jami’s. That was so reassuring! I pushed a few times and the babe’s heart rate was dropping too low. I got oxygen mask for babe, and Michelle says, “Ali the baby’s heart rate is too low I need you to push him out fast.” So with all the roaring within me I pushed with all my might. (Really, my throat was VERY sore that day and the next. I found the wild woman within, guys!!!) Three, maybe four pushes more (?) and they told me to stop. Oh the burn. Then I know his head came out with another push and I was told to stop again. Jami and Maddy yell “Oh, he’s here! He’s here, Ali!” and someone else “the cord is around his neck.” And Michelle asks Perris if he wants to cut it, but then says ‘never mind’ to get it done quickly. The cord was around his neck twice! I’m then told to push again and out comes that sweet little man. I guess he was pretty blue, but started crying within a minute or so. All I can think to say when my children have emerged from my body is “THANK THE DEAR HEAVENS!!” Really. I really say that out loud. What a relief. Like no other relief I have ever felt or imagine to feel.
My placenta took a while to detach, and pushing that out was not really fun (just the motion of pushing again after wanting to be done!), but the weight that was relieved from my body was wonderful too! I got to hold Hank skin to skin for a while and the spectators took some pictures, and my Mom arrived! Everyone was planning on being at the hospital much later that morning, so she was too slow, and our message never made it to Lynette. So those two weren’t present, and I feel sad about that!
I have been strengthened by this experience and lesson of faith of waiting. Referring back to my prayer that the fourth watch had come and I needed rescue, let us read a bit from the New Testament, yes? Mark 6:
48 And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.
49 But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out:
50 For they all saw him, and were 49 But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out:50 For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.
51 And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.
52 For they 51 And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.52 For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened.
What is meant by “the Fourth watch of the night”? Probably because of the influence of their Mediterranean neighbors, the Greeks and the Romans, the Jews in New Testament times divided the night into military watches instead of hours. Each watch represented the length of time a given sentinel remained on duty. The first watch commenced at 6:00 P.M. and ended at 9:00 P.M.; the second went from 9:00 P.M. to 12:00 midnight; the third from 12:00 to 3:00 A.M.; and the fourth watch was from 3:00 A.M. to 6:00 A.M. (See Smith, Dictionary,s.v. “Watches of night.”)
I really had been toiling. And I lost any hope of being rescued, of my prayers being answered for this true desire of my heart. And then He came, and I was sore amazed and wondered. I had hardened my heart. I have felt remorse for my attitude and behavior towards Heavenly Father since Hank was born. I didn’t believe, and He calmly and lovingly showed me I should have believed. Just a further testimony to me that He will always come for everyone, even if we have to wait until after this life to receive what we so sincerely and dearly long for.
Wade is the best big brother. That's what we keep telling him. Only one sibling casualty so far--a kick to Hank's head. It really was an accident though. Otherwise Wade wants to sit in his crib, suck on his pacifier and give him kisses and hold him. Here his right hand is gently patting Hank's shoulder. So, so cute.
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